I quit the industry for almost 2 years because of an audition. Here’s what I’ve learnt from it today.
Written by Marshall-Weishuai Yuan ~
‘Welcome to our management’. Words every actor wants to hear.
It was the summer of 2021 when I got the email from one of Sydney’s most reputable boutique agents. I was shocked but at the same time I felt grateful. I’d just come off winning my 7th international Best Actor award in a short film which landed me the interview which then got me the agent, I was proud. I kept telling myself, ‘From here on out things are going to start happening!’ All the work I put in paid off and I was finally going to become the working actor I dreamed of becoming.
The next few months were very exciting, I was auditioning for major company commercials and auditioning for shows from Netflix, HBO, Nine, Amazon, multiple times a month. Every time I got a new audition I would immediately drop everything I was doing to work on my new self tape. I was close a few times but I didn’t get any roles. Regardless, I kept my strong spirit. But then towards my 2nd-3rd month I started noticing a pattern in the types of characters I was being sent for. The roles were either;
1. Based on my Asian background
2. For the general actors
I remember reading a casting call for: ‘Davo, who was a regular Aussie bloke who goes to the pub with his mates after work’. Or ‘Alan, the awkwardly Geeky Asian guy who has the hots for the main characters mum.’ I think the disheartening part, is that I knew where I wanted to be but I couldn’t escape being typecast based on my race or generalised.
I didn’t blame my agent though, she was lovely and great till the end – I blamed the industry for not seeing me for my true potential. Realising that, made me not really excited about the future auditions. So I started caring less and less whenever I got a new casting call for anything. Because of this, my acting suffered greatly which meant I started accepting less and less auditions. It was towards the end of the year when I got a casting call while I was at work, it was also my final one. It was for a broadband company and the description went something like this:
- David (supporting, any ethnicity) Abit odd, really into technology, a bit of an it nerd.
- Alan (lead/hero) Good looking, fit, looks like he belongs in a commercial. DAVID is explaining faster broadband to ALAN, who has an attractive lady clung onto him and not listening to David at all.
I can’t lie about the immense frustration I felt after seeing that. Is it wrong to feel this way? This is just part of the industry. Play the game. In the end I thought to myself; ‘If this is how the industry sees me, then fine, I quit.’ I sent my resignation letter a few days later.
As the days, months, weeks, went on I subconsciously started losing interest in acting. I still loved it, it was my dream but something about this part of the job just tainted its shine. I stopped properly acting for almost 2 years after that.
When you’re in a dark place mentally, it can feel like nothing matters. You’re drifting around endlessly like you have no purpose. I believe it’s up to yourself to dig really deep until you find the strength again. One day you will feel better, one day you will fly once more, one day you will believe in yourself again.
Last month I did my first self tape again. It felt different from before, I felt stronger, like I grew as a person, like I’ve become a different actor. It felt great. I wish anyone going through something similar that you rediscover your purpose and your light. It’s time to continue my dreams!
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Written by Marshall-Weishuai Yuan ~
Diversity Australia Magazine 